During this time I had asked my friend what ovulation predictor kits she had used because she had said she thought they were great and had really helper her, I had not had the same feeling, so I thought I should find out what was different for her. On her good recommendation I bought the more expensive kit that come with a full month's supply of tests. You test every day. There is no way you could miss the spike. I loved this kit. It confirmed that I was ovulating when I had originally thought that I was. This helped so that Kris and I didn't feel so forced to be on a schedule. I had also made another doctor's appointment with a different doctor. I knew it wasn't a year yet, but still nothing had happened and my emotions were not good. I turned to the Internet, like somehow that would give me an answer for what else to do or make me feel better about my situation and frustration; all that could really do that was finally being pregnant, but I don't know what else to do so I search for, well I don't know what and find ideas to try to get my mind off the whole thing. I decided to take a photography class at the M.U.; to get involved in something else and try to take me mind off of it. I also decide to start to journal. I had already written a bit here and there but not really all of my feelings, I could see that being a good way to just sort of get my feelings out. I also figured it might come in handy when I did start a blog.
So with my appointment coming up in January I was prepared for the expected let down of my period starting. I just planned for it and didn't really even consider an alternative. When it didn't start as expected I figured it was a repeat of what had happened in October. I didn't want to get my hopes up. A few days went by and nothing still. I was really trying not to get my hopes up and think I might be pregnant, but something just seemed different too. I was a bit nauseous, but maybe that was stress about my period and being pregnant or not being. I started really thinking I was pregnant with such confidence I was about to just take a test. But then fear set in that I was going to be very let down. I waited a couple more days. I figured it was better to take it on the weekend not while I had to go to work and be "up." Right to the last minute I went back and forth about taking it or not. I thought the let down would either happen with a negative which would have made me think this really was a repeat of October or my period, I might as well get it over with. I waited as long as I could on Saturday morning (until about 5:30am) and took the test. Then I was afraid to look at it. I waited about five minutes and then shacking finally looked at it so afraid it would be negative. It wasn't. I was using a little flashlight to see it and thought I must have misread it. It was one of those tests that just says Pregnant or Not Pregnant. It said Pregnant, there was no Not. Oh my gosh, really, really?!
It had finally happened for me. I wanted to tell people, I wanted to tell my friends who were anxiously waiting for me to be pregnant too, I wanted to tell my family, and Kris'. But Christmas was a week away I could tell them then. And then there was the fear that something could still happen and was it really there, really? It was hard to believe. All weekend I told no one. I would wait to tell the gal at work I talked to about this almost daily who I am sure was tired of hearing my saga and would be happy for me and I would wait to tell my three girlfriends until our lunch date on Tuesday. I could do that. Then think about telling the family. And I would be able to tell mine in person too. This was the best time. I had needed this and it had happened.
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