I have guilt. I have felt guilt about working or how much time Conrad spends at Ronnie's (our daycare). That guilt I couldmanage because I know he is a happy boy there and that I needs to work. I say need to work because while me continueing to work wasn't so much of a conversation Kris and I had and a decision we made it is a decision I made for myself. It is easy to think that we both need to work for the money to pay our bills, but when it really comes down to it we probably could have made it work, I know we could improve our spending anyway. We never really talked about that because I never wanted to not work. I need to work to feel fulfilled. I don't say this to look down upon those who don't work or to say they aren't fulfilled. For me I need that regular interaction and schedule. So I am a better person by working even though I miss Conrad and sometimes think I could really call in sick and just take a day with my little guy.
I have guilt about being lazy or not wanting to do things taht maybe I should do for him. What I mean is, for example, I don't feel much like going to swimming lessons tonight, but if I don't I feel guilty that it is for Conrad and he really likes it. I know some of you are thinking he is 10 months old and won't hold it against me, but moms know there is still that little bit of guilt.
The real guilt is letting Conrad fall off the kitchen stool. Yep I was distracted and trying to adjust something on my laptop and he wiggled enough to fall right off straight to the wood floor with his forhead. I know he will not remember this and that he is absolutely okay, but my focus should be him and I never should have let it happen, right? I mean I can't just watch him hit his head or fall over and not try to stop it. But I know I can't be there for every fall either and they are some of the best learning experiences.
Lately I have been letting Conrad "fall." Even encouraging it. His new trick is to just fall backward (from sitting) when we sing a line of a song from a little game Kris palys with him. The like is "and flush him doowwwnnnn" When Kris is playing this with him he is bouncing him on his lap then says this line and Conrad goes back upside down to the floor and giggles, well now he will just throw his body back when we say that line and of course back he goes head to floor. We all laugh and then he wants to do it again. Kris and I have been trying to throw a pillow behind him so his head won't just crash down in what sounds like pure pain, but he never seems to do it when the pillow is there, he inevitable crawls off to another spot on the floor then does it again, crashing head down. Oh well, he seems to love it.
We went to the park the other evening and had fun with the tetter totter, slide, chimes, and well whatever the other thing is.
Conrad also likes to ride his wood trike from his great grandpa (it used to be Kris')
and to chew on, well anything
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